A Conversation With Myself
by DumaFire
Summary: Karkat, lost in his own nightmare, is confronted by his female counterpart. She helps him recover from it, knowing his pain. -Sadstuck- -WIP- -Graphic Descriptions of Violence-


A Conversation With Myself

A Homestuck Fanfiction by Claws1010 [DumaFire]

It was the mirrored room again. He hated it with all of his being, despite always never realizing what was happening by the time he appeared in there. He could never remember that it was just a dream, and that the entire maze was just his fears returning to haunt him. The fear of losing people haunted him all the time, and when he was sleeping it would haunt him the most. He walked through, a circular room full of mirrors that had no reflection. He shivered, the coldness of the air making his breath show as he wondered around, trying to find his way out. Although, just because there is an exit, doesn't mean he can escape.

One mirror always stood out from the others. It reflected light, despite there being no sky above him. The ground was pure black, as if the floor itself was made of glass. Karkat walked towards the mirror, feeling his stomach churn once more. He could just barely remember seeing this mirror before, and it being the only mirror that held a reflection. He could remember seeing himself in the mirror, covered in blood and missing skin in some areas, covered in cuts and wounds he had never gotten. He remembered the way the mirrors shattered around the room, blood coming out of each broken mirror, and in each mirror was the dead body of everyone he knew. That's why he walked away from it, although he worried it might have been too late.

His reflection appeared, much like it was walking towards him and the mirror was just a glass, separating him from another world. This dream was different from his other ones. However, he couldn't bring himself to wonder why. A girl approached him, wearing the same sweater he usually did. It couldn't be… could it? She looked just like him, in almost every way. A scar lined her cheek, shaped almost like a plus. She walked towards him, which only made him step away from her. He kept walking back as she walked forwards, falling back but being caught by her before he could fall down. He wasn't hurt, but he held his head. He was frustrated and stressed, thinking only of how in his previous dreams the voices called out to him, cursing at him and blaming him for their deaths, because he wasn't good enough. He would remember turning around, looking to the mirror with his lusus in it. Crabdad would only screech at him, but he understood what he had said. "You failed…."

His girl counterpart wrapped him lightly in a hug, trying to calm him down. He wouldn't bring himself out of his trance, though. His self-loathing and hatred for not being as good as he could have been. The hatred he had in his heart, simply for not being able to grow up. She understood this, and knew of it all too well. That's why she remained, wanting to tell him the words she could never even tell herself, the words that have haunted her for so long. "…You didn't fail them…"

He shook his head, feeling his mind leave his trance for a moment to look over to her. She had so much to say to him, but in the end she couldn't say a single word of it. He continued to panic, despite her holding him still. "Just… fuck.. let go of me… This is a pathetic dream, and in the end of it everyone's going to come over telling me how shitty I am and how pathetic I've become…" He leaned his head against her shoulder a bit, continuing to talk. His voice grew louder and more stressed as voices began to fill the room. At first it was just a soft laugher, sounding almost as if it came from Nepeta. Then, more voices began to join. Equius, Eridan, Sollux, Kanaya, Gamzee, Feferi, Terezi, Tavros, Vriska, Aradia… Everyone kept laughing, and as Karkat had said earlier, they all were taunting him, telling him how much they hated him and how pathetic he was. However, Karkatia knew that no one was there, and that Karkat was doing this to himself because he was scared. Scared of failing.

Scared of death.

He began to yell at them, trying to get them to quiet down. "I know I fucking failed, and that I'm a nookfuck of a hoofbeastshit that can't protect anyone.. Just… shut up…." He clung to his head, the voices growing louder. Karkatia wanted to tell him desperately, the voices weren't there. Everything was going to be okay. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. Karkat clung to himself, shaking his head from side to side. He wanted them to stop so badly… He was quiet for a few moments, the voices continuing to yell. It was then where he got up, yelling from the top of his lungs.

"QUIET!"

And there was silence. Karkat sat down, and Karkatia wondered if he had conquered his fears, or if his fears had conquered him instead. He curled his knees up to his chest, crying quietly. He had completely forgotten that she was even there, or that she had only been trying to help. There was another pause, the room full of mirrors changing into something much more familiar. Karkat's respiteblock. Karkat didn't seem to notice, though. He was shaking, and Karkatia wondered over to him, gently placing his head to her chest. He continued to cry, and she rubbed at his shoulder a bit. She sat him down in her lap, gently shooshing him in an attempt to calm him down.

[WIP]


End file.
